Hi....

My name is Neil and I (used to) live in a tent (but now live in a shed) in a forest, (still) half way up a mountain and (still) have a wild dog for company, so you can (still) safely class me as unreliable. I've got a BA (hons) in Art and an MSc in IT and for some reason, a life destroying obsession with the structure of the universe. I've recently decided to try farming and trust me it's harder than it looks. The manual labour is fine and I like breaking my back for hours on end whilst sweating or freezing my bollocks off for no money. The problem with farming is the voluminous amounts of paperwork you need to complete in order to get anything done.

I've also recently taken up boar fighting because the local boar have decided that the one thing they can't stand is some hairless mutant monkey parading about their turf, so these days a walk in the woods means me carrying weaponary (a machete and a short sword). I've only gone toe to trotter 4 times, so I'm still at the learning phase and hope I can survive long enough to get fully trained because facing off a pissed off, rocket propelled Boris Johnson with tusks takes true stupidity on my part. Obviously, the Boris Johnson analog is already stupid. Actually to be honest, the wildlife around these parts doesn't show me much respect; well actually, it doesn't show me any and I've had the humiliation of having to step over a snake because it couldn't be bothered moving. Having a coffee sitting on a stone, a mouse a metre away just gives me a "meh" and keeps on munching its breakfast. The freakiest one is my "mate" Lizardo Verd, who is A) an Ocellated Lizard, B) on the UN RedList, C) a big assed bastard and D) a biter (according to the internet). He was cool until the day I had a midday nap on the couch and woke up to find him cuddled into my face. Now I've had my moments, but I've never woken up next to a different species before. We had words regarding inter-species boundary issues; specifically he's a bloke and so am I, so no spooning.

Anyway, I always thought this wildlife stuff was supposed to be scared of humans, but it turns out that if you're habitual they work out quite quickly if you're going to try to eat them or not and carry on accordingly.

Oh, the reason this site is mostly in black and white and has no groovy stuff is because I'm in my "no to javaScript" phase (although I'm going to have to do something about the drop down listbox because it gets confused when the back button is used). Also as my mobile connection was seemingly from the year 1999 and was therefore crap; I've now got Starlink (but no Russians at the door) so in order for me to do anything on the internet I (now DO NOT) have to go down to the bar in the nearest village and melt their wifi. 300Mb/s in the woods is awesome, although I've gone off Mr Musk since he tried to get me to pay into his "I'm buying Twitter" fund. Tip Muskrat: do not go on the internet when drunk and buy stuff! However, I have decided to take "Do No Evil" Google's shilling (mind you, I think there has been some evil level slippage and they've gone from "Do No" to "Dr No") and have introduced adverts because the aforementioned mutt needs a regular supply of pork chops and I need to find some way to make a bit o' cash because farming just doesn't cut it. Unfortunately, the drones at Google central don't rate me and refuse to sully my site with their colourful collection of advertisements.

Lastly, if you're going to email me in a SHOUTY manner because I've written something you don't agree with, just remember I'm nuts, won't amount to anything and I'm not worth wasting your time over. Remember, the local fauna have worked that one out already. If you need any help from me regarding anything on this site, just use the applicable email address for each section and I'll get right back to you. I currently accept money.

copyright Neil Tragham 2019 - 2024